Silent Night

Her birthday is fast approaching. I know i will call her to wish her all the best in this world but it all seems too aritificial now. When it is finally over in this way, which is better than many other ways, i feel disatisfied with the end. Disatisfaction not for not lving her but for loving a mirage which is always a bit further.
It is night and the stillness that it has brought with itself is making me realise the state of my life. The silence has started to hurt now and it hurts me far more than the noises in the day light. The realisation of loneliness had never been so frightening to me. I had always been lonely, all my life, but it was easier than now. I had always had a goal in my sight, the things which were of no use to me whatsoever, but they made me look away from the reality. Now the goals have become harder to find. I ponder over the purpose of a purposeless life only to reach nowhere. I think till it starts hurting, then i try hard not to think.
I write letters to that stranger i long for, asking her to find me, for i feel enervated as the loneliness looms over me. They say love always finds out a way to reach to us. They say love comes when we are least expecting it. I do not know how not to expect love to reach to me. I only know how to search for you in every face that i see. For i have done only that, all my life.


Yaadien

Fir dhunda tumhe aaj yaha
Fir nirasha mene payi
Fir dil ne kuch maanga usse
Fir usne mangey thukrai
Fir dil ne kuch yaad kiya
Fir se yeh aakhien bhar aayi

Yadon ki bhi kya baatien hai
Yaadien to yaadien hi hai
Yaado pe bhi kya pachtana
Yaddien to yaadien hi hai.....